To come, or to cum…

While drafting a steamy short story today, I become strangely caught up and indecisive about whether I was using the slang term ‘cum’ correctly. Should I replace with ‘climax’ or ‘orgasm’ for the verb, ‘semen’ or ‘ejaculate’ for the noun?

In my search for answers, I came across this clever article, which made me smile and clarified the ‘proper’ use of ‘cum’ and ‘come’.

Come is excellent for use in ‘polite’ circumstances: journalism, novels, etc
‘For example, there you are, having sweet vanilla sex with your shy, classically handsome crush, listening to vintage Taylor Swift while the pie in the oven gets a little burnt, though it’s still definitely edible. He comes, there is come.’
and, or course, for all those delicious double entendres and sexual puns.

Cum is the more blunt, vulgar alternative (commonly used in men’s magazine articles, romance novels, etc)
‘The standoffish but mysteriously attractive guy from the party wants to have his way with you. His pillows are made of leather. Crazy. “I’m gonna cum,” he grunts.’

Quotes above by Katy Waldman

Verbally, misunderstandings can be unavoidable, but in writing the use of ‘cum’ is handy to make the sexual meaning clear if the sentence is ambiguous – and not intended to be. Continue reading

jade eggs… love stones… yoni eggs

The first time I heard of a jade egg was while attending a weekend tantra workshop last year. The mysterious little object was mentioned in whispered tones while the presenter was speaking, so although I got the gist of where it went (inside the vaginal canal), I wasn’t really sure what one did with it when it was there or the many benefits of having/using one.

jade egg

So, I finally did some research and came across the wonderful Tamra Mercieca who hooked me with these historical and erotic facts:

“The Jade Egg has been around for some 5000 years originating in ancient China, where Queens and mistresses of the most powerful nobles used it internally to strengthen the vaginal canal. Legend has it that the Taoist practice was a secret kept only in the Royal Palace so the ladies of privilege could maintain their youthful beauty, vitality and sexuality as they matured into old age.” Continue reading

the magnificent fall

One of my favourite escapes from reality is to submerge myself in the stunning images on Pinterest.

I came across a photograph which really resonated with me (aptly called ‘The Point of No Return’ by Tatyana Druz, found at I thought I’d share it and the visceral reaction it prompted.

Photograph the point of no return by Tatyana Druz on

I love the closeness of the couple and the immediacy of the plunge they are about to make together. I instantly recalled that wonderful, scary excitement when you’ve just met someone and you just know you are about to fall hard – for good or bad.

Or when you’ve just begun a new sexual encounter and all the pieces are falling into place – every touch is perfect and builds the anticipation and pleasure to dizzying extremes. You’re tensed and impatient for that blissful, heavenly drop – when you become an ethereal being with no physical boundaries.


Sexy snippet – gorgeously erotic writing by Elsa Holland

I just have to tell you about one of the most beautifully written, erotic books I’ve had the pleasure to read (and I’ve read A LOT of books). I love to immerse myself in sensual writing AND I love historical fiction so I was thrilled to come across ‘The Veiled Heart’ by Elsa Holland.


Set in Victorian London, Miriam is happily widowed after being damaged by marriage to a sadistic ‘gentleman’ and the failure of her peers to recognise or acknowledge his abuse. Miriam is no delicate, shrinking flower though, and is determined to use her freedom as a widow and her privileged position in society to help improve the lot of women on the street.

While purchasing sheaths in a plan to educate London’s prostitutes about sexual health, Miriam’s alter ego, Lily, crosses the path of a man who awakens her dormant sexual urges and challenges her vow to remain independent. Sparks fly as she gives in to her lust for Max – who she believes is a mechanic and safely below her station – while she struggles against becoming the possession of any man, even one who melts her with his passion.

And here’s the sexy snippet, as promised (making love in a carriage sounds like fun)… Continue reading

Beautiful sex, beautiful life

I’ve been bursting to write to share my recent tantra experience, but I wanted to let my life settle back fully into it’s regular routine so I could judge how much of an impact it has actually made on me.

After four weeks I can tell you that learning a little about tantra has truly influenced my life for the better. I realise the weekend workshop I attended recently only glanced the surface of what tantra is and how it can become an intrinsic part of your life. I had just a small taste, but what a sweet taste it was.

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With my limited experience, this is my understanding of tantra…

The underlying belief centres on the conservation of sexual energy in order to prolong youthful vitality. This is achieved by retaining the essence that is usually lost during ejaculation for men and menstruation for women. I think you would need a deep understanding and commitment to the practice of tantra to follow the path of virtually ceasing ejaculation/menstruation, but there is so much to be learnt from tantra without following that particular path.

To me tantra represents a shared and mutual awareness and respect of your own and your partners pleasure and needs – in relation to sex and in life.

The most significant insight for me was to realise that the difference between average sex and good sex is mindfulness. Often in long term relationships making love is rushed or has become an afterthought – a means for sexual satisfaction and release. It can become a shallow experience. By giving sex priority at the time you and your partner are truly together and at your most vulnerable (turn the TV off/don’t think about what you need to do when you’re finished or how busy your schedule is tomorrow) and focusing on what gives pleasure in that moment without thinking of the end game, orgasm, sex can become a communion between two people, a kind of meditation. Making love is not another task to be achieved in your day, it is a sensual experience, a joy to be savoured.

This awareness and generosity also spills over into other aspects of a couple’s relationship and into your relationship with yourself.

And couldn’t the same principle of being present and mindful during love-making be applied to life? Experiences had while on auto-pilot are not rich in sensual detail. Without the memories of smell, sound and touch (ie. atmospheric conditions of wind and temperature) an experience becomes forgettable, disposable. They do not enrich your life and make it memorable.

The taste I have had of tantra has awakened for me a deeper sensuality and respect for life. But what I really took away was how important it is to be present and live in the moment – whether you are making love, eating a meal or taking a walk on the beach.

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This mindfulness is the focus of Margot Anand’s The Art of Everyday Ecstacy. the idea of living a full, rich and pleasurable life. I would recommend anyone who yearns for inner tranquillity and purpose read it.

Her writing opened up for me a whole new attitude towards the true pleasure. Continue reading

Are you a Sensualist?

I am eternally grateful to Anaïs Nin for immortalising the essence of sensualism in her writing. “…at certain moments I remember one of his words and I suddenly feel the sensual woman flaring up, as if violently caressed. I say the word to myself, with joy. It is such a moment that my true body lives.”

Our imagination can be the most powerful aphrodisiac at our disposal. We should allow it it’s full power and feed it whenever the opportunity presents itself. While searching for beauty on the internet recently, I found the perfect definition of the way in which some of us are separated from the rest of society by our appreciation of – and reliance on – the sensual. If you are reading this, you will probably recognise yourself in the (slightly edited) description below, courtesy of Annelies A.A. Vanbelle.

The Sensualist Manifesto

  1. For a true Sensualist the five senses are the highest gift. Experiencing sensual pleasure through savouring, sniffing, observing, listening and touching is their lifelong leitmotiv. Sensualists enjoy poking their noses in their lover’s armpits, revel in the soft slide of skin-against-skin. Sensualists never express the word ‘sex(uality)’. Sensuality however is their mantra, eroticism their adage, tickling their addiction.
  1. For a Sensualist lust equals zest for life. No libido means no energy, no creativity, no inventivity. Lust is the catalyst of their lives. They consider love-making as a language, just as fit as any other language to penetrate the darkest regions of somebody else’s mind and soul. Their heated view on things is not restricted to the bedroom. Their entire life is covered with a veil of sensual sensation. Sensualists immediately recognise each other through the poignant, passionate look in the eyes.
  1. Sensualists practise slow sex, analogous to slow food, which is also focused on reawakening the senses, slowly and devotedly, by serving quality and originality. Sensualists prefer desire above fulfilment, the endless scrutinizing of each others’ bodies above a quick and simple fuck. The Walhalla for a sensualist is reaching an orgasm without even touching the other. A penetrating look can do so much more than a real penetration. Sensualists invest an abundance of time in letting the longing grow fiercer and fiercer. They drift on the energy that derives from suggestion and abstention.
  1. Sensualists dote on slow sex but this doesn’t say anything about the pace of their lovemaking. They are fond of the contrast between fast and terribly slow, between ruthless and soothing, animal and cerebral, intense and superficial, distant and intolerably intimate, between being restrained and eager, biting and kissing, sizzling and freezing. It is this entire spectrum of feelings and sensations that oscillatory cranks up their lust.
  1. Language is the aphrodisiac par excellence for a Sensualist. Sensualists are word junkies that send each other elongated eropoetic writings. They read arousing literature to each other and poetry compilations are used to facilitate the traffic between the sheets instead of the habitual lubricant. Sensualists can be touched deeply by one well thought-out sentence and enjoy months of pleasurable old-fashioned correspondence. Tickle their brain (their most erogenous zone) and their bodies react instantly. Though sensualists are cerebral creatures, their sensual summit is situated in animal regions. The utter fulfilment lies in letting the beast go, letting it sweep away the monocracy of the mind. The ultimate objective of a Sensualist is to reach a complete symbiosis with a partner, becoming one body instead of two, no longer knowing where the self ends and the other begins.
  1. Sensualists view lovemaking as a form of art, a skill that can be learned and honed through practise, careful observation and discussion. Every new love is a new step in the continuous perfecting of a Sensualists bedroom arts and techniques. They travel around their lover’s body, map it meticulously, know every inch of it. Sensualists are light-fingered; excel in keeping tongue, timing and rhythm.
  1. Sensualists regard the body as one huge erogenous zone. Hands, feet, armpits and earlobes, glans penis and clitoris, nipples and breasts: they are all one and the same. Fingers intertwine and almost reach an orgasm, toes are licked as though life depends on it. A Sensualist uses the body as the primal instrument for sensual pleasure; accessories add a nice touch but are not necessary. Much more important than masks, rose petals, candles and electric devices is imagination. Sensualists prefer the suggestive power of fantasy above the brutal in-your-face of pornography.